Riveting Tale Chap!

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Riveting Tale Chap!

Post by PiEdude on Sat Jan 29, 2011 6:52 pm

It began, as all stories do, in a rain forest in Nicaragua.
I was near a watering hole, using said water to wash my rippling abs and long, soft, elegant, slikish, flowing hair.
The hair was also blonde.
It was during this tender break from my usually turbulent and rugged lifestyle, that a Siberian Tiger had wandered into view.
The fact that the tiger had traveled all the way from Siberia told me of its hardiness.
Then, however, a Tyrannosaurus Rex emerged (violently) from the trees, and tore the tiger to pieces with it's razor-sharp fifteen centimeter teeth.
I stared the beast down.
It stared back.
This staring battle lasted no less than twelve hours.
Finally, when the twelfth hour struck, the beast let out a hearty roar.
Knowing that if I attempted to counter the roar, I would destroy the universe with my heartiness, I simply spoke,
I looked the monstrosity squarely in the eye, and said:
Ostavete tozi zvyar myasto, ne mozhe da triumfira.
Everyone knows that Tyrannosaurs once spoke fluent Bulgarian.
However, my taunt failed.
The tiny-armed insult to evolution charged at me.
The ground shook with its tremendous footsteps of ten ton doom.
When it reached within four feet of me, I swung my head around an struck the warm blooded reptile squarely in the left eye with my hair.
The fantastic golden locks cleaved directly through the eye, but did not in any way deter the beast.
Massive jaws were suddenly wrapped around my- oh wait, wrong story.
Anyway, the Rex attempted to eat me in a single bite,
I did what any sane person would do:
I headbutted the roof of its mouth, the shockwave from which destroying both its brain and the entire continent of Africa.
Later that night, when I was having one of my mad Mountain Dew-fuled writing orgies,
I accidentally slipped on a banana peel, and hit my head on a fifty caliber anti-tank round that somebody just happened to be firing at me at the time.
And that's how I got my scar Very Happy
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PiEdude
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